Sex With Things Is Not So Bad!

sex with a banana


I started writing this article titled " sex with things " because I remember my beginnings in the Adult Store business when a few of my friends (male and female) said they would never use sex toys because it was like having sex with things.  I always found it humorous but I try to remember that this was 1991 and we weren't talking about sexual practices on Saturday Night Live yet or discussing how a Presidential-Candidate believes he is the arbiter of public morals and is against the use of all sex toys and believes vendors and users should be arrested.  

In other words, I thought this would be a fun trip down memory lane, remembering how the use of sex toys became main stream and stopped being considered as having sex with things!

sex with things -- apple pieI think we have all seen or heard of people having sex with things .. certainly you remember the movie "American Pie" and the famous "apple pie scene" when character Jason Biggs is told that sex feels like a "warm apple pie", he wastes no time finding out if that was true the next time his mom baked one!  

To me, it rates as one of the entertaining scenes … but the snap on the left is from the uncensored version.  The scene was modified later and there is another scene where the character is having sex with the pie while standing up.  But why in the kitchen I always wanted to ask?  It seems to me that even an apple pie would want some privacy.

My friends weren't thinking about apple pie when they were saying "No" to sex with things.  The females were talking about their reluctance to insert something plastic into their vagina; while the males were unwilling to admit to wanting to masturbate, much less, masturbate with a plastic receptacle.

And of course, that was before we moved to materials like real-feel, and silicone.  Originally, many of our items were "plastic-ish" for lack of a better word … and often had a slightly oily smell.  However, they were made in the USA, in Los Angeles in fact, because I remember going to the factory and seeing the process.  Things sure have changed.

For women, silicone has been the biggest boon to encouraging women to try more insertable toys.  It is easy to clean, hygienic, and lasts a long time … and it feels great.

For men, real-feel material and fleshlight material improved the feeling immensely.  Being able to warm the toy added another layer of excitement.  And men eliminated the shame of buying a sex toy to use for masturbation.

But then I decided to research and see what people thought of having sex with things in 2017.  Obviously it is a phrase that we do not EVER hear anymore, so I wanted to know what the internet world thought of it.

OMG.  I never knew such a world existed.

There is a movie documentary featuring Malcolm Brenner who fell in love and sex with a dolphin.  I'm not making this stuff up.  And I mean a REAL swimming dolphin; because there is NO dolphin sex toy that a man can have sex with!  Sometimes I don't think that searching is my friend, when I find things like "What does a dolphin's vagina look like" or "Women has sex with dolphin during NASA experiment".

And then there was the man having sex with "My Little Pony".  I can't even attach that image here.  Or the other guy masturbating with a head of cabbage (ok, go ahead and make the joke, "Yes, he was getting head").  And then there were the DOZENS of videos of masturbation using watermelon, honey dew melons, and so much more. 

But I had only scratched the surface of people having sex with things.  There was the picture of the man having sex with a skinned, cleaned, Cornish hen.  Ewww.  Then there was the guy who had sex with a hot pocket because his followers shared and liked his previous escapades with a Pop Tart box.  

Or the number of people who have used a banana or a carrot for masturbation.  It was shocking.  You have close friends?  Ask them if they ever practiced giving a blow job to a banana!  Stop laughing – it might surprise you.

And if this post about sex with things isn't already creepy enough, there were SO MANY reports about people using soiled panties to masturbate.  To the point that one handyman would rifle through the laundry basket and steal panties from every house where he worked.  In Los Angeles, one earned the nickname, "The Panty Bandit".  

Thankfully, we never hear complaints about vibrators or dildos being the same as sex with things.  Sex Toys have moved into the mainstream and are no longer hidden and not discussed.  It is everywhere, thanks to the various TV shows and movies that have included references to sex toys or sexual practices.

Thanks Hollywood!  The industry of adult stores thanks you for your support!

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